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SEASONS OF LOVE
Embracing the Ebb & Flow of Romantic Relationships
BY MARIA GARRIDO - 5 MINUTE READ
MY HALF ORANGE
As human beings, we all long for love—a deep connection with a romantic partner. In Spanish, we have an expression to describe that kind of perfect match; we call it "mi media naranja". It literally translates to "my half orange". It's based on the idea that each person is half of an orange, and finding their "media naranja" completes them, making them whole. It reflects the romantic notion that there's a perfect partner out there for everyone. I don't know if this is a global idea or attributed more to specific cultures, but most of you will know what I'm referring to: that 'you get me' kind of relationship where you finish each other's sentences, tag team shared stories to a fresh audience, and can have wordless conversations through a glance across a dinner party. We all yearn for someone who understands us, accepts us with all our flaws, and makes us feel safe.
THE MYTH OF ONE TRUE LOVE
In my early years, I was a hopeless romantic, captivated by this idea of a soulmate, a perfect match somewhere in the universe. If I had to pinpoint where it all started, it must have been in a suburban movie theatre, watching Mystic Pizza with my teen girlfriends and being introduced to Julia Roberts. What followed were decades of Rom-coms (and more Julia Roberts!) subsequently drilled into my moldable brain! But as I've lived, loved, and experienced loss, I've come to believe that our journey is not about finding one static love that lasts a lifetime, but rather about experiencing different seasons of love that evolve and grow over time.
The fantasy of a singular, unchanging romantic love is something we've all been sold at one point or another. But I've realized that this idea doesn't align with what we're truly meant to experience. Our romantic journeys are more fluid, more complex, and more reflective of the seasons in our lives.
REDEFINING LOVE
We all want love, but it's time we start defining it in more expansive ways. Our lives should be filled with many kinds of love—yes, the kind that comes from shared experiences with a romantic partner, but also the kind that comes from deep, soulful connections with friends who just get us, the love of a parent's unwielding support, the love that children bless us with, etc., etc.. As far as romantic love is concerned, it's rare to get it right the first time around—if anyone ever does! Those who stay with their partner for a lifetime have love that has grown and evolved, sometimes together and sometimes alongside each other. Some stay because the fabric of their lives is so intertwined they cannot imagine a day without their partner. Others, because the fear of being alone outweighs the discomfort of staying in a familiar, if not entirely fulfilling, relationship. And sadly, some unexpectedly lose their life partner to unforeseen circumstances.
SAME TREE, DIFFERENT SEASON
Perhaps we are meant to experience not just one love, but multiple seasons of love, where our needs, wants, and desires shift as we move through life. Sometimes, our lifelong partner changes with us, and sometimes they don't—and that's okay.
In long-term partnerships, the ties that bind us can be incredibly strong. The family we create together is a testament to the love we've built. But even these relationships go through seasons—times of change, growth, and sometimes, divergence. It's important to recognize that these changes won't always happen in sync with our partner's evolution. That's okay too.
Acknowledging the different seasons in our relationship allows us to appreciate the journey and understand that love is not static; it's a dynamic force that ebbs and flows. It's in this acknowledgement that both people grow and can find themselves falling in love with their partner over and over again.
THE MESSAGE IN THE MESS
The lesson is not much different when romantic relationships end. It's easy to get lost in the pain of a breakup, but there's a hidden treasure in these experiences if we're willing to look for it. When someone leaves, they don't abandon us completely. They leave behind memories, lessons, and experiences that become woven into the fabric of who we are.
Think of it like this: each relationship is a chapter in the book of your life. When that chapter ends, it doesn't disappear – it remains a part of your story, shaping the chapters to come. The key is to find the message in the mess, to be grateful for the growth and the gifts that the person and the relationship brought while they were an integral part of our lives.
If your wounds are still raw, it may take time to see it. But as time passes, you'll begin to appreciate the ways that relationship changed you for the better. Every person who enters you life brings something unique. For your own wellbeing, you can learn to identify and recognize the blessings, even after a break-up. Maybe they taught you patience or the importance of kindness, or they showed you a tenderness you never knew you needed. Perhaps they introduced you to new experiences, foods, or ways of thinking that expanded your world. Or possibly, the challenges you faced together made you stronger, more resilient, and better equipped for future relationships.
The art of gratitude comes into play here. By focusing on what we gained rather than what we lost, we shift our perspective. This doesn't mean ignoring the pain, filling yourself with regrets or pretending everything was perfect. It's about acknowledging the full spectrum of the experience and choosing to carry forward the parts that serve your growth and well-being.
So, the next time you're tempted to view a past relationship as a failure or a waste of time, think of it more as a season in your life, one full of big life lessons or small, warm memories. No matter how abruptly or unexpectedly or quietly the season changed, it ultimately soothes our souls to honor the role that person played in our life but also helps us integrate those experiences into our personal growth journey.
Remember, every season serves a purpose. Just as winter prepares the ground for spring's new growth, sometimes relationships need to end for us to bloom into our next phase of life. By finding the message in the mess and practicing gratitude, we honor our past while opening our hearts to the beautiful possibilities that lie ahead.
SELF CARE TIP
When you find yourself at a crossroads in your romantic relationship, whether you are the one ending it or on the receiving end or even facing significant changes in your lifetime partnership, it's crucial to handle the situation with care and compassion—both for yourself and your partner. Have those tough conversations, but do it with kindness and respect for the journey you've shared. Express your feelings honestly and communicate your thoughts in a way that honors your shared experiences.
Give yourself permission to heal and grow, whether you're moving on or working through changes together. Don't rush into the next chapter. Instead, focus on growth and self-discovery. Trust that when the time is right, you'll be ready to embrace whatever a new season of love has in store for you, with a heart that's all the stronger for the experiences you've had.
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