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BY MARIA GARRIDO - 2 MINUTE READ
Anger is an emotion that can go from irritation to all out rage. Turn your fury into fuel for good.
JUST GET OVER IT
I am an angry bitch.
That's what the perpetrators of injustice want you to believe.
The truth is I suffered through years of indignity and psychological trauma I first chose to brush off and ignore. Supressing anger at abuse was easier and expected of me; God forbid people be uncomfortable with my true feelings. As a mother, I was told to dismiss my anger and "just get over it, for the sake of the kids".
When my righteous rage finally exploded, I didn't recognize the woman I became. In my rawest moments, I did things and said things that were later used to shame me. At first, I myself was embarassed by the anger's brutal manifestation in me. Today, I understand that there is no humiliation in feeling fury in the face of injustice.
KEEP CALM & CARRY ON
In many cultures, anger is not the emotional property of women; it’s not becoming to show anger when you’re a girl. It makes you appear rude, unlikeable, uncollaborative, etc. so we’re taught to keep it suppressed and unexpressed to avoid making others feel uncomfortable. For years, I did just that. I kept anger bottled up; I didn’t listen to my own feelings of righteous rage for fear of the dire consequences, that I’d be labeled a hysterical woman.
When I did finally allow myself to release the anger, I had to face the wrath of societal expectations. My justified anger has been used to demean me in front of friends, strangers, police, lawyers, judges, etc. People I’ve never met have claimed that I’m rude, unstable, bitter, spoiled, dictatorial, a hot-blooded Latina who is hurting others by setting boundaries and respecting herself. All of this plays perfectly into societal pre-conceived and false notions that angry women are simply batshit crazy.
This is bullshit. It’s time we all stop downplaying our anger and give ourselves the social freedom to express the intensity of our rage, especially when it involves injustice and regardless of the discomfort it may cause.
RELEASE THE RAGE
Anger is a feeling that is 100% NORMAL. Anger is how our minds and hearts warn us of harm, threats, injustice.
It plays a very important role in our mental and emotional processes. It helps release pent up stress, helps us defend against more hidden emotions like loss, fear, shame. Importantly, its intensity can be channeled into action and push us to change. The question is what you do with that sudden burst of motivating energy and how it can serve or harm you.
I don’t believe in forgive and forget. If you are angry because someone has hurt you, your first responsibility is to yourself. You need to acknowledge your rage and respect it. Using the anger as a way to navigate through the trauma can be a useful tool. Forgiveness is always owed to yourself first. It is unrealistic to expect people to dismiss outrage and forget about it. You need to manage the memory of rage to help you understand the injustice and find ways to get through it. It isn't healthy to simmer in the bitterness; instead, let it serve you in setting and respecting your own boundaries now.
BITTER OR BETTER?
Once you acknowledge the anger, you have an important choice to make. You either let it eat you alive, constantly turning the injustice over and over in your mind, consuming energy in a way that doesn’t serve you or you find a way to release the rage and use its burst of strength to help you grow.
People who hold anger in and don’t work through it as a normal and healthy human emotion can suffer from overall mental and physical discomfort. When misdirected, anger can fuel a downward spiral of resentment that’s hard to crawl out of. Supressed anger can lead to more serious health problems like anxiety, decrease life satisfaction, self-harm, depression, and even cardiovascular issues.
But processing anger and deriving meaning from it can be an incredibly useful tool. My rage has allowed me to channel the burst of energy toward reaching my goals. It’s motivated me to survive unthinkable injustice and spend less time worrying about who faulted me or why and more time focusing on my needs, learning to manage the frustration and reducing the feelings of resentment over time.
When we work through the rage, we are more confident, more creative, more optimistic, better problem solvers and more effective communicators.
SELF CARE TIP
When you feel angry, understand the source of the rage first and then use it to release yourself.
If you find you're more easily irritated when you’re hungry or tired, make sure you meet your basic needs and improve conditions whenever possible to help you breathe better through those moments. This anger isn’t very useful for you or others.
When anger is triggered by unmet expectations or loss of control, try to separate your emotions from the facts. For example road rage won't make a traffic jam suddenly disappear, so it's probably best to let this one go.
If you're angry because of injustice or you feel stuck in an endless spiral of rage, release it by screaming, running, dancing, focusing the energy surge on whatever doesn't hurt you or others. Then, find ways to soften the physical and emotional tension with relaxation techniques that over time will help you overcome anger. If you need help, work with a professional to learn techniques that can help you process anger and free you from resentment.❤️
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